Tag Archives: negotiation skills
How to be assertive without being aggressive
The problem: “I’m coordinating an office-remodeling project with an assertive colleague. I’m the opposite; I usually give in. The problem is that I disagree with her approach. How can I stand my ground?”
During a recent negotiation skills workshop, a participant asked us to help them deal with a colleague who was more assertive than themselves. Here’s a summary of our advice..
Good question. But to answer it, we must go back to a more fundamental question: What’s your negotiation mindset?
In CMA’s negotiation skills workshop, we discuss the importance of meeting your counterpart’s needs. For some participants, this mindset is a revelation. But for those of us in the conflict-avoider camp, the other side of this goal bears re-emphasis: we also need our own interests met.
It’s not that anyone disagrees with this notion. Who doesn’t want their own needs met? It’s just that people sometimes feel uncomfortable doing it in practice – especially when it appears to be at the expense of someone else’s needs.
And herein lies the problem. People who are afraid to advocate for their needs often operate within an old paradigm. It says: every time I meet my needs, it’s a loss for you; and every time you meet your needs, it’s a loss for me. In fact, the most effective negotiators adopt a fundamentally different mind-set: they realise that with a bit of systematic, creative thinking, it’s often possible to meet both parties’ needs.
To put this mindset into practice, be systematic about driving options from both parties’ interests. Draw up a list of your project interests (e.g. usability, efficient use of space, expense, aesthetics, etc) and also consider your colleague’s interests. Then, when you meet with your colleague, have her clarify those interests. Finally, put the two sets of interests in front of both of you, and ask: “How can we meet each of these interests together?” You’ll be surprised at the innovative solutions that emerge!
Have you had a similar issue? Did you resolve it in a way which left all parties feeling satisfied? Let us know..
The team at CMA
Why it pays to have principles when negotiating
Recently I was facilitating a two-day negotiation skills program for one of our clients. During the afternoon on the first day, one of the participants asked me the following question: “Can I be a principled negotiator even if they’re not?” This is a great question and one I often get asked.
When we talk about principled negotiation with our clients, we’re talking about the principled negotiation method, described in Getting to Yes[1] as being based on four propositions:
- Separating people from the problem
- Focus on interests, not positions
- Seek options which create mutual gain
- Use objective standards
In responding to this question, I explained that the short answer is “yes” – you can still be highly effective as a principled negotiator even if the other party doesn’t adopt a similar approach. Why? Because being principled allows you to manage the process in a collaborative and therefore more persuasive way. Which means you’re more likely to achieve the outcome you’re looking for.
Here’s a summary of the advice I offered (and what we worked through as a group in detail):
Being principled allows you to respond effectively to negotiation challenges in the moment
Even if the other party uses dirty tactics such as emotional blackmail, demands or threats to try to persuade you, responding in a principled way will help you deal more effectively with any challenges if they arise.
For example, if someone is being positional and digs their heels in on a solution (e.g. “My final offer is $100,000. Take it or leave it!”), rather than react through instinct and throw a position right back (e.g. “Well, my best offer is $50,000!”), you can choose to separate the issue from the behaviour, and move the conversation towards standards.
You could draw on objective standards and ask them to explain the reasoning underpinning their offer (e.g. “On what basis have you calculated the offer of $100,000?”). In doing so, your purpose is to encourage them to reflect on whether their offer really is fair and reasonable in the circumstances. Ultimately, as a principled negotiator that’s what you want to achieve – a solution that is fair and reasonable in the circumstances and which doesn’t ‘screw’ the other party over. Why? Because you know that you may have to negotiate in the future either directly with this party, or with another party who may have heard about your approach to doing business and negotiating.
Reputations spread fast and if you take an unprincipled approach now and try to walk all over the other party, chances are you’ll find your future negotiations with this party – and possibly many others – will be a lot harder and more stressful than you would like!
Being principled during preparation can help improve your outcome, and encourages working toward mutual gains
By doing your preparation and considering both parties’ perspectives, you’ll enhance your ability to persuade the other party to agree to an outcome that works for both of you, rather than them focusing on a solution that only works for them.
Spending time thinking about the other party’s perspective before the negotiation and then conveying that understanding during the negotiation is a very powerful persuasive tool. When people feel listened to and understood, they are more likely to be open to hearing another’s perspective. This means you’re much more likely to be able to persuade them – which is the aim of a negotiation.
Remember: knowledge is power. So even if you’re counterpart doesn’t take a collaborative approach and consider what’s important to both of you, you can still prepare and negotiate in a principled way – and in doing so, increase your persuasive power!
Being principled allows you to lead by example
There’s no denying that our negotiations would be a whole lot easier and more efficient if everybody adopted a principled approach. The reality is though that many people still adopt the adversarial approach to negotiation and doing business (i.e. the tug-of-war model) which is premised on the understanding that for me to get more of something, you need to get less.
However, by being a principled negotiator even if the other party isn’t, you’ll be able to more effectively and efficiently manage the negotiation process, which will help you to achieve a better outcome – and you might even teach your counterpart how to be principled in the process!
All the best with your further negotiations.
Warm regards
Tyla Locke
Senior Consultant
[1] * Getting to Yes: How to Negotiate an Agreement without Giving In, by Roger Fisher, William L Ury and Bruce Patton, 1991.
6 common negotiation pitfalls to avoid
Tagged in negotiation skills, negotiation tips, Simon Dowling
In our experience coaching a range of different groups, we’ve observed a range of negotiation mistakes that crop up regularly in teams. Here are six of the most common that every team should avoid.
How many of these could relate to what’s happening in your own organisation?
- Getting stuck on a single issue – usually price. When a counterparty makes an offer or a demand, it’s an easy trap to allow the rest of the negotiation to become anchored around that starting point. Good negotiators know this, and will adopt strategies that seek to widen the parameters of a negotiation.
- Inadequate preparation. Many people will protest they’re too busy to prepare properly for a negotiation. In our experience, the real issue is that people don’t have a simple framework to turn to for quick and meaningful preparation. And, as in most things, “failing to prepare is preparing to fail”.
- Getting stuck at “no”. Many negotiators lack a strategy for dealing with “no” and pushback in negotiation. This can overlook a rich source of new information, and the opportunity to establish a path towards creative options.
- Failing to purposefully manage the process. You may have done the most thorough homework on facts and issues, but without the ability to envision an effective process, you’re at the mercy of your counterparty’s approach. Good negotiators have the language to talk about and steer the negotiation process, especially when things aren’t going as expected.
- Not asking enough good questions. Negotiation can often turn into a race to arrive at a solution. But expert negotiators slow down the pace and ask enough questions with the right language and skill to allow them to get to the real issues.
- Seeing negotiation as a game – and trying to ‘out-play’ the other party. It’s all too easy for negotiators to become caught up in common negotiation myths and to focus all of their energy on playing games. Early plays for power and theatrical routines may get the heart pumping for some, but will often do more harm than good to the negotiation process.
So, how often are your own team making these kinds of mistakes?
Simon Dowling
CEO
CMA Learning Group
