Tag Archives: negotiation tips

How to be assertive without being aggressive

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The problem: “I’m coordinating an office-remodeling project with an assertive colleague. I’m the opposite; I usually give in. The problem is that I disagree with her approach. How can I stand my ground?”

During a recent negotiation skills workshop, a participant asked us to help them deal with a colleague who was more assertive than themselves. Here’s a summary of our advice..

Good question. But to answer it, we must go back to a more fundamental question: What’s your negotiation mindset?

In CMA’s negotiation skills workshop, we discuss the importance of meeting your counterpart’s needs. For some participants, this mindset is a revelation. But for those of us in the conflict-avoider camp, the other side of this goal bears re-emphasis: we also need our own interests met.

It’s not that anyone disagrees with this notion. Who doesn’t want their own needs met? It’s just that people sometimes feel uncomfortable doing it in practice – especially when it appears to be at the expense of someone else’s needs.

And herein lies the problem. People who are afraid to advocate for their needs often operate within an old paradigm. It says: every time I meet my needs, it’s a loss for you; and every time you meet your needs, it’s a loss for me. In fact, the most effective negotiators adopt a fundamentally different mind-set: they realise that with a bit of systematic, creative thinking, it’s often possible to meet both parties’ needs.

To put this mindset into practice, be systematic about driving options from both parties’ interests. Draw up a list of your project interests (e.g. usability, efficient use of space, expense, aesthetics, etc) and also consider your colleague’s interests. Then, when you meet with your colleague, have her clarify those interests. Finally, put the two sets of interests in front of both of you, and ask: “How can we meet each of these interests together?” You’ll be surprised at the innovative solutions that emerge!

Have you had a similar issue? Did you resolve it in a way which left all parties feeling satisfied? Let us know..


The team at CMA

6 common negotiation pitfalls to avoid

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In our experience coaching a range of different groups, we’ve observed a range of negotiation mistakes that crop up regularly in teams. Here are six of the most common that every team should avoid.

How many of these could relate to what’s happening in your own organisation?

  1. Getting stuck on a single issue – usually price. When a counterparty makes an offer or a demand, it’s an easy trap to allow the rest of the negotiation to become anchored around that starting point. Good negotiators know this, and will adopt strategies that seek to widen the parameters of a negotiation.
  2. Inadequate preparation. Many people will protest they’re too busy to prepare properly for a negotiation. In our experience, the real issue is that people don’t have a simple framework to turn to for quick and meaningful preparation. And, as in most things, “failing to prepare is preparing to fail”.
  3. Getting stuck at “no”. Many negotiators lack a strategy for dealing with “no” and pushback in negotiation. This can overlook a rich source of new information, and the opportunity to establish a path towards creative options.
  4. Failing to purposefully manage the process. You may have done the most thorough homework on facts and issues, but without the ability to envision an effective process, you’re at the mercy of your counterparty’s approach. Good negotiators have the language to talk about and steer the negotiation process, especially when things aren’t going as expected.
  5. Not asking enough good questions. Negotiation can often turn into a race to arrive at a solution. But expert negotiators slow down the pace and ask enough questions with the right language and skill to allow them to get to the real issues.
  6. Seeing negotiation as a game – and trying to ‘out-play’ the other party. It’s all too easy for negotiators to become caught up in common negotiation myths and to focus all of their energy on playing games. Early plays for power and theatrical routines may get the heart pumping for some, but will often do more harm than good to the negotiation process.

So, how often are your own team making these kinds of mistakes?

Simon Dowling
CEO
CMA Learning Group